v i p

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 23:44:11 GMT

mann all i want is a relationship.. a healthy one. why is that so hard to find?

sense the sarcasm?

Sat, 01 Jan 2005 17:48:44 GMT

fuck ulcers and acid reflux disease. i think this was the first new years that i missed due to throwing up. at least i didnt make a complete fool out of myself.. nah jk. thanks tummy. i fucking love you. happy new year.

Thu, 25 Nov 2004 23:26:56 GMT

no mas.

negative entry.

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 19:28:30 GMT

whats wrong with me lately? i could't tell you. all i do is work, make a lot of money, that doesn't seem like a lot of money to me anymore, come home, go tanning every now and then, try to sleep at night, but don't end up doing so until 6 in the morning when i have to work the next day, and constanly think about how i want almost everything in my life to be the opposite of what it is. 95% of the people in my life right now mean almost nothing to me, or at least thats just the way it seems lately. The other 5% aren't around enough, or always have that special way of making me upset because i care about them so much. I constantly feel like I am being lied to by everyone I care about,and I don't have the power to control it. I want to give up on one person in particular because I think doing so would help me out with most of my problems but it's so fucking hard and it's really not what I want at all.All I do to solve my problems nowadays is make stupid decisions, fuck myself over, and drink thinking it will make everything better.I feel like a pyscho everyday of my life because my mind NEVER stops thinking. There is always a million things running through my head at once, and none of them are ever positive. Nothing meets my standards anymore, it's nearly impossible to make me happy and I don't know what to do anymore, because all I do is cry.Basically I'm a mess and I need help from someone, anyone who cares, which is hard to find these days. If i put effort into you, I expect that effort back and right now would be a good time, because I'm going through hell and I don't know how much more of this I can take before I break down.

come back.please.

you love the wrong girls.

Mon, 08 Nov 2004 17:33:11 GMT

and if i could turn around and make some of the decisions i made all over again i would, but i would do everything so differently. i miss so many people right now. i need a wake up call or something to sweep me off my feet.

everything i say is sincere.

Sat, 16 Oct 2004 20:53:59 GMT

basically im speechless.

i just got torn apart by the person i love more than anything, who i thought loved me, was totally betrayed by 2 people i once called my best friends, and basically had to forget about an amazing friendship i had with someone simply because our emotions arent on the same page. all these things happenned in the matter of 3 days...funny how life does that to you.

on the other end of the spectrum, not only have i learned a lot of lessons and values from all this, but im taking control of my life and moving on, forgetting about people and problems that seemed important, but have turned out to be nothing but petty. im not going to lie, im going to miss a few things and this isnt exactly easy for me, but i finally feel content, so im working from that. i cant wait to open up new doors in my life and finally feel what love is supposed to feel like, because what i have been feeling just wasnt right. i cant wait to go to keene again and spend as much time as possible there with an amazing person with a funny name, i cant wait to go to dover,i cant wait to start my new job, im excited about a lot of things. say goodbye to the old me, and hello to whats coming next.

as corny as it is,and as much as he might hate it, id like to give a special shout out to chris osmer. thank you for spending 2 years of your life with me,andfor making me stronger. it was nice while it lasted. ill miss it, but it just wasnt right.i appreciate your flawless beauty, all the kisses we shared, all the heartaches,all the laughs,cries,all the lessons youve taught me, everything. i cherish all the times we had together, and no matter who we end up with, i wont forget about you so dont forget about me.take care.ill always love you, and maybe things will work out one day. ill always hope for the best.

beb, get over me, please

Tue, 28 Sep 2004 03:03:04 GMT

i got a new job today. i cant start for another 2 weeks because i have to quit abercrombie first but i will be working at the limited which pays better and will probably be more laid back. im going to miss everything about abercrombie minus the shitty hours/pay. if mercer gets his ass on it, i might be working at volvo as well. if that happens ill be in the money baby.

tomorrow i go to see deathcab and pearl jam with josh.. haha i still cant get over that lineup, but im so excited.

this entry is pretty pointless but i was excited about both these things. goodnight

prague in europe: thats right TTTT OOO'd

Fri, 24 Sep 2004 05:42:13 GMT

tonight- worked a 10 hour shift, was supposed to hang out with my twin but i dont know what happened with that? drove down to cambridge to see brown bunny with chris. i paid for it, but made him take the money so it looked like he was the one paying. haha how lame is that? i saw vincent gallos penis, and heard him have an orgasm, so i think my life is now complete.
tomorrow- i get paid and i will probably waste all my money that same night/the next morning. i dont know if i will have anything left to buy anything for myself after my big purchase if all goes as planned, but its worth it putting a smile on another persons face.then i think im going to head down to boston and go to some bar and drink for free, and if that happens ill be in heaven. right?
saturday- my first day off on a weekend in a month.hopefully shopping, maybe unh after? i dont really know. my whole weekend is a mess.

on another note, im thinking about quitting abercrombie if i get hired at another place i applied to,but im petrified of quitting and have no idea how to do so. i feel horrible about even wanting to leave there because i love the job itself and the people i work with, but it just isnt paying enough for me to survive so i need something that pays better. so pretty much i need help as to what i should say when i quit. im really nervous...im a pussy.

goodnight

models do not have feelings

Tue, 07 Sep 2004 05:44:44 GMT

my mother has been right all these years. face it, im too good for nashua and the people who live in it. i know im going to be big one day and everyone that doubts it, well they will be proven wrong. on another note, its time to get into the mindset i was in all summer long, and especially when i was at my peak a few weeks ago. i have a lot going for me right now, im starting to get my golden tan back, ill be doing kickboxing again, i got my job at abercrombie back,ive been making friends that actually mean something to me, and in a week or two, ill be in a fashion show in boston for mary kay along with an unknown fashion designer. im so excited, this could open the doors to so many things. well thats all i wanted to say. goodnight

<3 hv

i thought there would be no more tears

Wed, 25 Aug 2004 17:25:48 GMT

all i know is that no matter what i do, there is always some way he will make me miserable. there's nothing, no in between, no happiness, just complete heartache. the kid has got ahold of me and i just wish for once in my life he would let go, because it's getting to the point where i don't know what i want anymore. nothing satisfies me. it's all a game. it's all a lie. i'm getting fucked with, and everyone else is sitting on the sideline laughing.

22a

Wed, 09 Jun 2004 03:55:19 GMT

so tomorrow im off to spend my summer living in dover. im not exactly sure how i feel about it. im really looking forward to it because of certain reasons, but im also dreading it because of certain reasons as well. while im there im going to get my first job ever and finally learn how to take care of myself because i never really have my whole life. aww how precious i am. all i know is im going to miss a lot of people, especially my bffl kearo and my new girl amy. ill miss everyone though, and i am going to do my best to keep in touch so that when i come home at the end of the summer we can all still be dawgs. you guys should come visit whenever you get the chance, the beach is 15 minutes away. the number there is 343-1153, call it anytime, ill be lonely. i hope to see people soon, and ill miss good old nashua. wish my luck, ive never done anything like this before!

<3 pritz

asdf jkl;

Wed, 02 Jun 2004 16:19:58 GMT

im so scared...
im not trying to offend or point any fingers at anyone reading this, but i need help.

when someone has wronged you more than once, do you give them another chance and practically "babysit" them so they wont do it again, risking the chance that once you stop doing this it could happen again, do you forgive them and make them prove they wont do it again and not be sure if it is really not happenning anymore, or do you just back out and leave and not even try to forgive the person until they come crawling back for forgiveness?

i need help, i know its a vague problem, and all the advice i get will probably go in one ear and out the other, but this is probably one of the hardest decisions ill ever have to make

thanks guys.

<3pathetic

Tue, 25 May 2004 04:36:47 GMT

honestly, i cant trust any of you people, ill elaborate more when im not so tired, but until then a lot of you need to step it up and stop being such pussys about the truth. goodnight

I OWN THIS FUCKKIN HOUSE!

Wed, 28 Apr 2004 09:27:07 GMT

"Mad V's are being lost in the next room I got kicked out workin on no sleep. this night was just full of colt 45 and shots of whisky"- robbie C!

we just threw little stone frogs at chris nest's window. Hoping... to wake him up! Me and VICK did NOT call your house chirs.

people snoring.

GOLD COIN. GONE!

KEarO and amy and vicki are my dogs.

cupan CIGARS adam gramesaon style!

Straigt edge for lIFe!

ride or die! DAWG!

colt 45~!

kings.

never have in ever.

sawyer- "so, cory... im at a party right now and we are playing kings. categorys. People you have had sex with. Your fuckin name came up four fukcin times."

the kid who REALLY owns this pleace is a dork! Tried to get him wasted but NO! american flag ph one. I mean, the kid was CONCEIVED in the same bed COry BAGEl lost his V CARD!

FUCKEd! we know. we are thinking that right now!.

love nest though. navy boy. UPS!

adam has a big wang! rOBBY C HAS A small wang but a big lump on his head from a fight. GOT JUMPED BY JAMES.

PEACE!

hint taken

Tue, 27 Apr 2004 19:57:16 GMT

im copying everyone, but do it anyways!

post a memory of me in the comments
it can be anything you want
then post this to your journal
see what people remember of you

thanks
<3 vicki

ms.vogue

Fri, 23 Apr 2004 05:13:25 GMT

all i want for once are good friends. i try so hard to be the best friend i can, and yeah i know everyone has their faults and i do too, but i feel like a lot of people walk all over me and dont appreciate anything i do for them.
im so sick of all this highschool drama. shit, i even left school because of it to do my own thing and i still have to deal with the same old shit everyone else does. it gets ANNOYING.
if i could make one wish right now, well, id make a wish for one more wish, and then i would wish for friends who never said anything bad about me. i know thats a lot to ask, but it would be nice for once. its just lately i have been feeling like the people i am closest to act like they feel a certain way about me to my face and leave me feeling cared about, but then when it comes to they way they feel about me to everyone else, they act like im just a piece of shit that doesnt matter. it sucks when you feel that way..i cant trust anyone. either people to be honest or let me know if im mistaken, because i cant take it anymore.

keara and i made a deal that we would never say anything bad about eachother, and i love her so much more than i already do for that. <3 I HOPE WE STAY FRIENDS FOR A WHILE. shes my best friend..ever since 4th grade baby!

so with that said, im curious.. on a scale from 1-10, how good of a friend am i?

goodnight.
<3 vicki

distance names my life

Fri, 16 Apr 2004 08:27:00 GMT

after calling every neiman marcus in the country, i finally got my prom dress today, all the way from new jersey-

fucking right ill be the most vibrant thing at prom

im interested to see what people will ask me, so ask me 3 questions. make them good.

in other news, after leaving Jim and Kevins new apartment in the ghetto, Keara and I decided to run to the car because we were cold, and all of a sudden these 3 girls came after us yelling WHY ARE YOU RUNNING BITCH. In the meantime, we heard a guy go PSSST from his window, so we turned and looked to see who it was, and as we were turning back around, we got jumped. it was horrible. Keara has a black eye, and I have cuts all over myself. Whatever...

tomorrow im going to a fashion show with chris and im so pumped, then its the afterparty.
saturday i have no plans, anyone wanna fill them for me?
sunday is white trash day and john deere modeling. CHUNK <3

and... I miss cuteboy. I dont feel like cutegirl without him.

sweet 16

Wed, 14 Apr 2004 08:29:12 GMT

apparently, im the dumbest person in the world.

what are your thoughts on that guys?!

Wed, 24 Mar 2004 05:31:10 GMT

...Should I buy it(just the skirt)? Its $140, but I really like it. Im just not 100 percent sure. HELP!!

Sun, 14 Mar 2004 10:34:55 GMT

it has some fixing up to do, but i'll just find some tools on the side of the road!!!~~

too bad my heart beats always seem to mute out my conscience

Sun, 08 Feb 2004 01:03:20 GMT

lie
n.
A false statement deliberately presented as being true; a falsehood.
Something meant to deceive or give a wrong impression.

I lie. You lie. We all lie. But why do we do it? I know I have lied about quite a few things in my life, whether they be minute or considerably large. I don't exactly know what provokes us to lie, but I know when I did it, it was either to hide things I was ashamed of, to protect myself, to make myself look cool, to spare others from being hurt, and even to make myself believe I am a better person than I really am. Of course others have returned the favor, and lied to me...but it's different for them, because I don't know what provoked them to do so. I almost feel guilty for lying about some of the things I have lied about, and I wish I could go on with my life without lying to people. It tears me apart when I have to lie to loved ones or people I care about greatly, but it's almost as if lying about certain things has become a way of life, and I'm sure I am not the only person to feel that way. You would think knowing how shitty it feels to get lied to, people wouldn't do it as often, or ever even, yet I find myself being lied to by others quite often. I find it hard to trust people, epecially the ones I care most about. Because of this, I have this disgusting habit of doing everything possible to ALWAYS know the truth, and I usually either figure it out after being lied to or just know it in general.This habit of mine seems to get me in a lot of trouble, but it's just the way I am. Usually when I find out I have been lied to and I know the truth, I confront the person about it, which doesn't always go over all too well, but then there are times like these that I want to confront the person more than anything but I am too scared to do so because of the problems it could create. I just hate the feeling that things are being hidden from me. It consumes me and I never know what to do about it. Anyways to wrap up this rambling ... give me some feedback on why you lie, and also what I should do about my current situation (should I confront the person/let it go/ or give me some ways to cope with being lied to/how to let people know they can't lie to me and get away with it) I could really use it. :-/

youre a few hours overdue

Mon, 26 Jan 2004 06:31:52 GMT

I was going to write this long, interesting entry tonight, but some weird things have happened to me, and its gotten to the point where im too tired to think, so ill just settle for this survey i stole from keara. FILL IT OUT SUCKAS.

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I lovable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger, weaker, or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?

simple

Wed, 14 Jan 2004 05:19:01 GMT

Wed, 07 Jan 2004 20:35:38 GMT

leave a comment, anything thats on your mind/anything youd like to say to me. make it interesting.

<3 vicki

ps. I could use a hug- my favorite kind.:-/